Ista Est Mea Creatura
by LisaDouglas
Summary: And after I have laid myself into you, now you lay yourself in me.
1. Coq Au Vin Night

Chapter One- Coq Au Vin Night

Jude wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, the scent of onions becoming too much for her as she chopped them into little pieces, practically pulverizing them, her eyes burning and growing teary in the process. Tonight was her special weekly dinner with Timothy, and as always, she was looking forward to it, but also hard at work to ensure that she would please him. Tonight, was the fourth Friday of the month, and she was making his favorite, as she always did on the fourth Friday. They both always referred to this particular evening as Coq Au Vin night. Jude couldn't wait to see him smile as he took the first taste, a satisfied grin spreading across his face, his highly selective pallet seeming to bask in pure ecstasy.

When she finished preparing the dish, Jude placed it in the oven to bake. It would be ready in an hour and she only had about that time before Timothy arrived. She sighed; scolding herself for feeling like this was a date as she went to go change into something a little more comfortable. It never got much better, wearing this old itchy habit. She wanted to dress nicely for him, to make him realize she was pretty, but given the dress code there was no real way to do that. And besides, it wasn't as if the myopically focused Timothy would notice it anyway.

Jude refreshed the little bit of make up she secretly wore and went to change her clothes. Timothy wouldn't see it, but Jude always made sure to wear her red slip on the nights he was with her. It gave relief to the tension she felt with him, allowing her to pretend, at least for a while, that she was a woman whose urges and desperate longing for physical and emotional love could be satisfied by a man who also desired her. She didn't' just want to be a Nun forced to keep up the pretense of a completely platonic relationship with a man who did not desire her as she desired him.

Jude dreaded what she knew would happen as soon as she laid eyes on him. He'd begin speaking and she'd welcome him into her tiny quarters, his words and greeting becoming just a blur to her as that song started playing in her head, and the fantasy took over.

_Ista est mea creatura! _Jude narrowed her eyes as she got up from the table, looking down at him with a sweet but seductive gaze, watching his eyes grow wide as she shed the robe of her habit.

_Et postquam ego colcavi me in te _Timothy watched amazed as Jude slowly lifted the skirt of her red slip and startled him, sitting on his lap face front. He was speechless and watched in surprise as she wrapped her arms around him.

_Modo colca te tu in me _Timothy slowly overcame his nervousness and brushed his big soft hands gently up her sides, toward her breasts in a way that made all her nerves stand on end as if she were fully satisfied already and at peace in a way she'd never been.

"I'm glad you invited me here Jude." Timothy smiled, breaking her out of the trap of her fantasy once again.

"What?! Oh, yes, yes Timothy. I love having ya….I-I mean it's nice ta, ta have yar company." She giggled nervously as he followed her from the doorway into the kitchen.

Timothy sat down and began to pour the wine, watching her carefully as she served the food, her back to him. Little did she know, Coq Au Vin night was a night of repressed desires for both of them. Timothy had always heard that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach; and because of Jude, he knew for sure that it was true. For a long time, he had thought that his feelings about her were primarily about what she cooked for him. He loved the dishes she made, Coq Au Vin or not and always looked forward to their nights together.

It was just a few months prior when he'd been on a trip, conducting business for the church and had had Coq Au Vin not prepared by her loving hands. While decadent, he found his favorite food, when not made by Jude, lacked the right amount of body and taste. The meal left him unsatisfied and when he was finished he felt frighteningly lonely, almost lost. It was an experience that was disturbing to him and didn't go unnoticed. Right then, he realized the Coq Au Vin had actually been good, and that Jude was the only thing missing from the meal.

Timothy's mind immediately turned to the joy in her smile, the warmth of her laughter and then very suddenly to the fullness of her breasts...Timothy almost choked when he realized he'd been thinking of her that way and in that moment, he knew he didn't like Jude just because of the food or the pleasant company…it was something much deeper than that, but at the same time, far more basic: it was a desire that was instinctual, overwhelming and animalistic.

It had been three months since Timothy had had that revelation and since then, he couldn't get her off of his mind. He felt guilty and conflicted, as his desire to take her and make her something more that she was supposed to be to him, grew exponentially every time he saw her. It was coming to the point where he didn't know how much longer he could suppress himself and if he tried, he thought he might implode.

Timothy looked away as he she leaned down to get the dinner out of the oven, suddenly almost vexed that he found her so beguiling, that just the sound of her voice or the curve of her hip or breast, even under that thick black robe, could tantalize him so.

"Dinner is served." Jude smiled, putting the diner on the table.

She sometimes got nervous around Timothy, and spoke almost as if to pander to him, as if he were a higher form of life than she. 'It's a pleasure ta serve ya.' She wanted to say, but didn't. Something inside her warned her against this choice of words, she realized quickly that it seemed very sexual to her somehow, as if the term 'serve you' would really denote the way she felt about him and what she really wanted to do for him. Little did she know if she said this, he would take it this way as well.

"You…it looks scrumptious." He said, catching himself with his own choice of words.

She blushed and the couple sat down to eat together. It was a quiet night, compared to most others. They were content to unknowingly mutually delight in each other's company, neither wanting to talk about Briarcliff or Dr. Arden, or anything they might normally mention to each other, pleasant or not.

"No Timothy, ya know I don't partake of spirits." She said, covering her wine glass as he attempted to pour some for her, as he did during all of their dinners.

"I'd like it if you did, just this once." He said, moving aside her hand as he poured a little bit of the wine into her glass. "You know, the cloth doesn't mean foregoing all pleasure, Sister…"

Jude's focus changed and her eyes narrowed, coming to gaze solely on the wine as it poured out of the decanter, filling her previously clear glass with its rich burgundy color. What did he mean by this?

"Here." He handed it to her. "It's an excellent bouquet…I insist you take a sip."

Jude took the glass in her hand, unsure of what to make all of this and took just a sip, not for herself, but for Timothy.

"Don't you just love the taste?" He asked. "It's an almost soothing taste, you must admit." He smiled at her. "But exciting and enticing all at once."

Jude looked up at him as he said this, somehow sure he was speaking of her and not the wine. Timothy focused on his glass as he talked, spinning it a little and watching the burgundy colored wine swirl around in the glass.

"It's full bodied, and beautiful, it's taste like an angel's touch. So perfect you can barely fathom it, but there it is, right in front of you." Timothy put down the glass and stared right at her.

Jude merely watched him as he spoke.

"It's the kind of thing you crave." He continued. "And you watch with adoring eyes but it can't be yours…" He paused realizing that she must know he was no longer speaking of the wine.

"No matter how much ya want it." She finished his sentence.

"No matter how much, I want it."

They were silent for a moment and stared deeply into each other's eyes, neither realizing they were inching closer and closer until their lips brushed gently in a kiss neither of them knew was coming. Both immediately had the same response: surprise. Timothy had expected her to resist and Jude had anticipated that he'd be anything but pleased. Instead, she found he replied with force and so did she. Jude opened her mouth at his insistence, allowing his seeking tongue to explore, even as she continued the work of sucking on his lower lip.

Jude stood when she finally came up for air. Timothy was about to protest and apologize, thinking she was upset, instead he was awestruck to see her remove the head piece to her habit. She discarded it, letting it fall onto the floor and he watched attentively as she let her long beautiful golden curls sweep gently down her back.

"Jude…" He looked up her, a hint of surprise and longing in his eyes.

"Monsignor…" She replied as he stood.

He wrapped his arms around her and began to kiss her deeply once more. Jude had never felt more loved in a man's arms, and wanted to pinch herself to make sure that she wasn't dreaming…or of course, just fantasizing. Timothy, meanwhile, was overwhelmed that she seemed to have mutual feelings and didn't know how to react except to keep kissing her. He felt so full of sin, but, now that he knew she felt the same, he also felt like an unstoppable force.

This time, when they came up for air, Timothy sat down again and stared up at her, watching closely as she unbuttoned her habit. His eyes widened, wondering if this was in fact, the confirmation he'd been so desperately searching for from her: that she wanted to make love to him. Timothy felt like his eyes would pop out of his head as he watched her robe slide down her long beautiful arms and pool onto the floor, revealing her shiny red silk slip to him.

"Oh…" He moaned as she sat on his lap, straddling him. His heart leapt in his chest and his hands shook as he took her in his arms.

"I wear it just far ya." She whispered, guiding his stunned face back to hers and beginning to kiss him.

"And I brought the wine just for you." He whispered as she began to kiss him once more.

Slowly, the kissing became more and more intense. Timothy brushed her thighs with his hands, squeezing them tightly as he ran his hands and down the length of them. They kissed so aggressively, that Jude felt overwhelmed. Timothy, meanwhile, could feel that his body had bigger conquests planned than just this, and like before a desire within him seemed to grow, fueled now by her passionate kisses and gentle moaning. This desire was far larger than before and he knew it couldn't be fulfilled this way no matter how hard he tried. Little did he realize that as his desire grew, so did hers.

Finally, Timothy couldn't stand the pressure that built within him any longer. He stood, his lips not leaving hers as she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist. Timothy cleared the dining table off with one hand, the dishes dropping to the floor and shattering. Jude smiled sweetly as he laid her on top of the table, placing his strong arms on either side of her very quickly, almost as if to trap her and keep her in place. Timothy took a moment to peer down hungrily at the woman he so longed to take as his own, gazing at her almost as if she were a hard won prize that belonged only to him.

In that moment, as all the blood seemed to rush from his head, Timothy's instincts became primal. His head stopped thinking and instead, his heart and his manhood considered his actions for him.

"Take me." She whispered hoarsely, almost pleading for him to act. "I am yars Timothy, I'm all yars."

He gazed down at Jude, further enticed by her words and excited by the fact that she seemed to moan in ecstasy even before they'd really done anything.

"Oh yes. You are Jude. You are all mine."

Timothy felt like a little boy in a toy store who didn't know what to play with first. For a moment he went back to kissing her and Jude wrapped her legs tightly around his waist once again, longing for the closeness to him. Timothy quickly went to work on his belt buckle as they kissed, and she removed her legs from around his waist.

"Don't you aim to please your Monsignor?" He asked, teasing her and beginning his work on her underwear, but deciding to leave her slip in place.

Timothy loved the way the slip accentuated all the parts of her body that normally remained hidden to him, and he fantasized so much about.

"Pleasin' the Monsignor, is what I live far." She said as he overtook her lips with his own.

The two enjoyed a slow, sweet kiss, each other's breaths drawing them closer together. Jude was lost in the kiss, relishing in the bliss of his intimate embrace and suddenly, without much warning to her, she felt him enter her.

"Ahhh!" Jude cried, shutting her eyes tightly. She squeezed his shoulders. "Oh! Timothy!" She'd never had anyone feel so good that quickly.

'Jude…" He gasped.

Timothy moaned, also in instant ecstasy at his union with her. Joining with her had seemed to bring him impossibly closer to her, not just physically, but also in heart and soul, something he'd craved for the longest time. He felt like he was whole with her, one with her skin. He'd recently come to a point where he couldn't look at her and be satisfied with anything less than this…of being one with her: it was just perfect. At the same time, he never knew how perfect it would be. Obviously he knew all about sex, and how it worked, but, before now, he never truly understood how wonderful it could feel or what it met to share it with someone you desired deeply.

Neither said how they felt, but the couple was on cloud nine, relieved about the release of so much tension and so many more repressed feelings they'd kept bottled up for so long, and neither gave any consideration to the many possible consequences for their actions.

"Timothy…Timothy Howard." She moaned, clutching the sheets. "Oh Monsignor!"

"Oh Jude!" He moaned. "Oh Jude I've waited so long…you have…no idea."

"Oh yes, yes I do!" Jude shut her eyes as she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders and began to kiss his collarbone.

Jude moaned into his chest as he started to thrust faster. Timothy couldn't tell, at this point, where she ended and he began, his heart raced at the thought that the two of them just seemed to meld together into one.

"Ahhhh…Oh Jude…you wore it for me!" He exclaimed, speaking of her slip as he squeezed her hips.

"Just far ya, all this time just far my Timothy, ah!"

"You realize Jude, oh…oooh…You realize I'm giving you my virtue."

"Oh Timothy yes…yes and it's a precious gift ta me. Oooooh!"

Timothy ran his hands up her sides, caressing her very gently as he thrust deeply inside her. Jude moaned and shuttered at once, the mix of sensations nearly pushing her over the edge. He was so forceful and took complete control in a way she found incredibly sexy; but at the same time, his caress was loving and so gentle. She'd never felt so much from one person before. His union with her was a true shock to her body and soul and she found that they fit together just right, as if they were created to become one.

Her senses were completely overloaded and she began to think about her fantasy about Timothy, only this, was so much better than the fantasy had ever been. Timothy pulled her back into a deep kiss and the music began to circulate in her head once more.

_**Et postquam ego colcavi me in tee:**__**and after I have laid myself in you**_**. **

"Jude…" He mumbled, continuing to nibble on her neck, his kisses trailed down her collarbone and into her cleavage.

Something powerful had overcome Timothy in the last few minutes. And he realized that while he'd long known the feeling of lust for Jude, and lust for power, this was something far, far greater and more exhilarating than either of those things. This kind of passionate love was like the feeling of total conquest and he felt he'd been made for it and nothing else. Timothy came to realize in those moments that, lust for power and a woman he could not have were not enough for him…that he didn't have to crave and long like a helpless boy, and that instead he could take, and conquer, and love…like a man. Timothy moved his lips back to her open mouth and pushed harder into her.

_**Modo colca te tu in me:**__**now you lay yourself in me.**_

"Ahhhhh!" Jude moaned loudly, not caring if anyone heard them. "Oh God! Timothy, don't stop, don't stop!"

She hung on tightly. Her head spun and her heart raced. Jude was overwhelmed and could not believe this was happening. That he was fulfilling her every desire and partaking in this intimate, forbidden act with her, one she'd thought of in shame over and over again. The fact that it was very real and even more forbidden shook her to the core and she wondered if she no longer had to be ashamed of her desire. She wrapped his arms tightly around his neck and opened her mouth, snaking her tongue inside his mouth as he thrust harder inside her again and again.

_**Ista est mea creatura: this is my creature**__. _

"Jude, my Jude!" He moaned and Jude could feel he was coming closer to his release. His large, warm hands had found their way up under her slip and clutched the sides of her stomach, his thumbs running gentle circles against her skin. His touched caused her to draw a soft but labored breath and made her only crave more closeness to him.

"Monsignor…Tim….Timothy…" She was worn out and out of breath now, her nails digging into his back. He could feel her breath tickling his shoulders and was now completely entranced by everything about her.

_**Ista est mea creatura: this is my creature.**_

Neither of them wanted this to come to an end, both feeling on top of the world as they reached their peak. But both had this overwhelming ache because they knew they were about to slide into an impasse and experience a little bit of death. They'd reached the edge, but that did not mean their hunger for each other was anywhere near satisfied.

"Ahhhh!" Jude cried. Timothy moaned and clutched her hand tightly.

"Jude!" Timothy moaned, feeling her writhe under him as he collapsed on her spent frame.

He took a breath, feeling her heart beat against his hear, and within seconds, turned back to her and began kissing her cleavage, all the way up her collarbone and neck, back to her lips, where he allowed his fingers to dive back into her long blonde hair.

"It's been an excellent feast, my rare bird." He whispered, his mouth returning to her lips.


	2. Wherever I Go, You Go

Ch 2- Wherever I Go, You Go

July 1964

"The two of ya are too close." Jude indicated; her whip in hand as she paced back and forth behind the two patients leaned over her desk.

It was an unusually cold and rainy July day. The sun fought to shine brightly even in the midst of the rain, but the storm clouds covered it over, producing an almost eerie kind of glow which drifted into the room through the open curtains. It provided a fitting atmosphere for the scene before Jude, which was really more standard faire there than anyone would care to admit.

Jude twisted her whip in her hand as she considered punishment for the couple. They weren't special; just two unfortunate souls who happened to be stuck here in Briarcliff, and who also happened to be in love…a matter for which they could only be considered more unfortunate. Jude punished couples like this on almost a weekly basis, and funny enough, none of them ever made her think of herself or her tryst with Timothy.

"Please sister if you were the one stuck in here then…" The man protested, the woman was sobbing.

"Silence!" She yelled, striking the desk with her whip, causing the couple to jump in fear.

Jude failed to see that this couple, unlike most of the others were in love and stuck in a situation in which they did not belong. Something however, urged her to put her whip down for a moment. She walked back around to the other side of her desk and sat down, looking at both of them in the eye.

"I don't want ta find out about this happenin' ever again, do ya understand me?" She spoke harshly.

"Yes! Yes!" They both nodded.

"Because if I do, it's castration….far the both of ya. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Clear as a bell."

"Good. Far now, five canings each and a night in solitary….separate of course."

The pair winced, bracing themselves as Jude began the work of caning them, but suddenly they heard the squeak of the door and Jude stop before she could strike.

"Sister Jude…" Timothy paused upon seeing the pair bent over the nun's desk. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I didn't realize you were in the middle of something…"

"Oh no Monsignor." Jude's tone changed and she instantly became sweeter upon seeing him. Even the patients noticed it right away. "Sister Mary Eunice!" She called.

"Yes sister!" Mary Eunice showed up in a flash, almost seeming to catch her breath as she stood in the doorway.

"Take Mr. Fritz and Ms. Pfeiffer ta solitary, the Monsignor and I have some things ta talk about that are rather urgent."

Timothy watched carefully, not knowing if any of this was truly urgent, but he noticed that she was quick to make his priorities come first and he liked that. Within just a few seconds Mary and the patients were gone and Timothy came in, shutting the door behind him. He felt awkward for a moment. They hadn't spoken much since they'd made love several weeks before.

It was a forbidden thing, and so it was something that remained undiscussed even between the two of them. Timothy didn't know what they met to each other now, and while horribly ashamed for his indiscretion, found himself almost equally ashamed that he hadn't sent her flowers the next day.

"What brings ya here Timothy?" She asked, nervously looking at some things on her desk, not daring to peer up at his eyes.

He hadn't called after and she didn't want to look directly at him for fear she'd smile suddenly and not be able to help it or stop it. She didn't want him to think that she was that clingy.

Timothy didn't know how to answer this question. He didn't know why he was there ether and didn't want to admit that he may've simply just wanted to see her smile.

"I didn't know you had so many….uh….canes…" He raised an eyebrow, turning to her open armoire full of whips and canes to punish patients with.

"Spare the rod; spoil the patient." She joked.

"I didn't know you had such a harsh attitude when it came to discipline…"

He picked up one of the canes and twirled it around in his hand, examining it carefully. Jude tilted her head, watching closely as he looked it over. She couldn't help but imagine him using it on her.

"I must inquire what you would give me." He posed the question simply.

"W-what?" She asked, surprised.

"For what you and I did together a few weeks ago…surely you haven't forgotten?" Jude didn't think she could ever forget.

"Oh no, no I couldn't farget Timothy…" She promised nervously.

He smiled.

"Well then, what would you give me Jude? For my…indiscretion…?"

"I-"

Jude was intimidated by his question and slightly excited as well. He smiled, beginning to walk toward her and she backed into her desk. Startled for a moment she looked around as he closed in on her and finally gripped the edges of the desk, her backside resting against it.

"Five lashes…a night in solitary…" She told him.

"A night in solitary sounds wonderful." He smiled. "Provided it could be in solitary with you…"

Timothy closed in on her and placed his hands on the desk, each on either side of her body, effectively trapping her there.

"Ya-ya wanna do it again?" She asked, surprised.

"Of course Sister." He smiled, moving in to kiss her neck. He leaned in to whisper to her, his breath tickling her ear in a way that sent chills up her spine. "Like the dinner, you see…it was simply scrumptious. And I'd be crazy." He whispered, breathing heavily into her ear. "Not to go back for more."

Without a word Jude placed her arms around him, beginning to kiss him as he took the liberty of sitting her on the edge of the desk. Jude opened her mouth as she kissed him, like before, not even considering the consequences of their fling.

"Oh, oh Timothy!" She moaned, hugging him tightly.

When Jude pulled away she finally reached back and removed the head portion of the habit, letting her long blonde curls fall out and flow gently down her back. He watched them bounce and fall into place as she stared up into his eyes, he loved how they framed her beautiful face, making her seductive gaze seem all the more alluring. He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair, his gaze not leaving her brown eyes, even as his hand came to rest on her face, cupping her cheek in his palm.

"You are so beautiful." He told her.

'She's got to be even more beautiful under all those clothes…' He thought. 'And I want to see her!'

A breath caught in Jude's throat when he began to unbutton her habit, she reached up and reciprocated; beginning to remove his collar and then his jacket. He gladly accepted her attempts to undress him further and aided in her removing his jacket, collar and shirt, letting them all fall to the floor. He kicked his discarded clothes to the side as she rose to her feet, running her hands up his bare chest, kissing him passionately. Timothy held her long hair in his hands as they kissed. Her heart pounded erratically against his chest and he took great joy in feeling its beating. Knowing that she was excited and perhaps even a little scared thrilled him.

Timothy tugged at her habit and she let her arms down so that he could remove it. Their lips quickly found each other as Timothy began to kiss her, placing his hands on her hips. He ran his hands down her sides, kissing her lips and neck as he tucked his hands behind her knees and lifted her back on to the desk. The two paused and her lips returned to his neck, even as he reached behind her and cleared the contents of the desk with one hand so he would have some where to lye her down.

"The bed…the bed is free." She whispered.

"I know…but this is more fun." He replied. Jude agreed, but just returned to kissing him.

Jude pulled her skirt up as she adjusted herself on the desk and then quickly moved to unzip his pants. It was only once he stood before her, fully undressed, that she realized he hadn't shaved that morning. He grinned down at her as he encroached upon her, placing his hands on either side of her hips. His freshly grown in stubble lined his smile, making him somehow even more attractive to her than usual and she felt herself go completely weak, as if she were about to loose any strength she had left. He laughed, noting this but said nothing as he placed all his weight on his hands and leaned into her, whispering softly:

"There's never been anyone in my world, like you Jude…" Jude closed her eyes, consumed with the way his breath tickled her ear.

"Ahh!" She moaned. He grabbed the edge of the desk and held on tight, going deep inside with one thrust.

Jude soon discovered this was going to be nothing like their first time together. This time, Timothy would be relentless with her in the best of ways and she loved it instantly. This time, Timothy seemed to have no time for tenderness.

Jude cried out, leaning back as Timothy, pushed her further onto the desk, beginning to climb on top of her. Timothy smiled, placing his body completely over hers as he continued. Within seconds, Jude felt wonderfully and impossibly trapped. She closed her eyes, taking in the feeling of being totally surrounded by him. He'd been all her eyes could see and now that he was also all she could feel, she felt overwhelmed in the most sensual of ways and somewhere inside she realized she was completely in love, more so than she'd ever been.

"Timothy…oh Timothy!" Jude moaned, her mouth wide open as she cried out. "Tim…"

"You'd enjoy Rome, wouldn't you Sister? You'd love to go there with me?" He asked, deciding to start teasing her about some of the things he knew she always loved to hear most.

"Y-yes!" She gasped; surprised she was capable of answering at all. "Ha!" She gasped, clutching onto his bare shoulders and squeezing tight.

"There's no one in the world I'd rather have as my right hand, my partner…no one but my rare bird, but _my Jude_." He said pointedly.

He felt her respond but before she could speak, Timothy took the opportunity to begin kissing her again, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. Jude gasped into his mouth; feeling his tongue begin to dance with hers. In those moments, Jude felt like she would pass out. She didn't know if it was from pure ecstasy or just being so overwhelmed.

"Oh Timothy!" She moaned when he finally pulled away from her lips. He then went to the work of kissing her cheek and jaw, his lips laying claim to the nape of her neck.

"Oh my Jude. My Jude, my most beautiful and perfect Jude." He gasped between his own moans. Jude was touched deeply when he said this, even beyond words. The idea of him saying she was his was almost enough to send her over the edge. "You're so beautiful and you feel…oh you feel so incredible Jude. _My Jude."_

She cried out and lye her head back, letting out a guttural moan. He smiled and began to pursue her further, moving his lips from her neck and down to her cleavage, covering her shoulders and chest in kisses.

"Uh-a-ah! Ah! Aaahhh!"

"Jude… Jude! Oh Jude!"

Timothy continued covering her with kisses and whispering in her ear. He relished in the fact that even the mere sweet things he said to her seemed to drive her wild. Looking down at her just melting beneath him, made him feel powerful, dominant and as he was beginning to hit the height of his peak, triumphant.

"Oh Jude, Jude not yet, not yet!"

"Ah! Ha!" She gasped, barely able to utter a syllable now.

But what he wanted from this affair wasn't power, or dominance, or triumph…no, that's what he wanted from the rest of life. All he truly wanted from Jude was true and unabashed love. He whispered so many things into her ears as he repeatedly pounded into her, but what he longed to say most of all was simply, "I love you." But Timothy could not bring himself to do it. It was as if the words were too intimate. He'd given his virtue to her, but he was not yet ready to relinquish his heart, for he was far too fearful that she would not love him back. He didn't know what he would do if she didn't love him back.

"Ah-ah-ah…" Jude began to whimper. "Tim-Timothy!"

"Wait for me Jude, wait! Ugh!"

Timothy suppressed a moan as he reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight and running his thumb over her knuckles gently. Jude squeezed back, caressing his hand softly, the feeling of simply holding his hand made her heart start to flip. Just as the two came to the mutual understanding that they could no longer hold back from their release, Timothy began to kiss her full on, on the lips. Jude wrapped her free arm around his neck and held on tight as they both reached their limit. When he finished he collapsed on top of her and just lay there, spent for a moment before kissing her again.

…

Timothy and Jude found themselves on the floor together, naked for the better part, and wrapped up in a single blanket in front of the fire. Like before, neither spoke much of what had just occurred between them. Instead, they spent their time enthralled in each other, barely able to finish one kiss before another began. Timothy's heart beat rapidly in his chest, overwhelmed every time she touched him. The simple brush of her lips against his, or her palm against his bare chest was enough to make him almost pounce her, but he refrained. He actually had come here intending to speak to her about something important, and whether he liked it or not, it had to get done.

"Jude." He said, taking her hand in his and lifting it up to kiss it.

Jude blushed and watched carefully. It was the little things like this that touched Jude's heart so deeply, and made her feel like he wanted her for more than just sex.

"Oh what's this?" He asked, pulling her hand away from his lips. He turned it over and looked at her fingers carefully.

"Oh Timothy it's just a splinter it's nothin'…" Jude had gotten the splinter in her finger while clutching her wooden desk during their earlier escapade. Needless to say, she was just happy it wasn't a more sensitive area of her body that had sustained a splinter.

"Jude it's not nothing." He said.

"Ow! Ow!" She cried.

Without a word to her about it, he took the splinter and began to pull it out, scratching it out with his fingernail. It was just shallow enough for this method to work, and while the splinter had been tiny, it hurt and its removal left Jude's finger sore and bloody. Timothy slowly brought her finger back up to his lips and kissed it, seeming completely focused on her injured digit. Jude watched entranced as he placed the tip between his lips and kissed it a second time, this time seeming to suck all the blood out of the injured tip. He looked up at her slowly, almost sensually as he kissed it a third time; he took it in his hands and held it tight, putting pressure on it as if to thwart further bleeding.

"There." He said. "All better."

Jude watched Timothy carefully, that was the way he'd always made her feel…as if everything was all-better.

"Yes." She smiled.

"Jude." He kissed her hand again. "I have wonderful news." He said. "I'm going to Rome!"

Timothy was genuinely excited about this and Jude knew she was supposed to be, but instantly felt her heart sink. He was leaving her? Now? When they'd just begun this…well whatever it was. Jude didn't like the way this made her feel, she'd been on such a high of hope and love and now a huge cloud of doubt had been cast on every bit of new hope building within her.

"I don't know when I'll return." He confessed. "But they want me Jude. I think they're going to make me Cardinal."

"Congratulations Timothy." She smiled, knowing she had to at least feign some semblance of happiness, this, after all, had been their dream.

"I am so happy Jude. And you, you have made me so happy." He grabbed the back of her head with his free hand and leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "It's our dream Jude, yours and mine together…I'd never have gotten there without you, my rare bird."

She blushed and put her head down sadly.

"W-when do ya go?" She asked, trying not to cry as she pulled the blanket up over her shoulder, he didn't notice she was trying to cover herself up.

"Tomorrow. I leave first thing in the morning." He kissed her lips softly. "And as soon as I discover where I am going to go, I will send for you."

"You…?"

"Yes." He smiled, taking her hand again. "You are my right hand, my rare bird, and now my partner in everything there is to be a partner in." He kissed her softly, not noticing that she'd started to stare off into space.

Jude felt something was profoundly different now; and it wasn't just that their relationship had changed or he was leaving. She didn't know what it was; but she was deeply concerned about it.

"Remember Jude." He added. "Wherever I go, you go."

Timothy got up to dress, leaving Jude wrapped in her blanket. She cuddled herself in the warm wool and put her head down, unable to shake the thought that he would not be back for her.


	3. He Must Never Know

Ch 3- He Must Never Know

Timothy came back in the room only a moment after he left, rushing to her and kissing her lips as he began to run his hands through her hair. He moaned into her mouth.

"Jude. Oh Jude I- I have to go. I only wish I'd discovered…that I'd discovered this precious gift…of you and me so much sooner." Jude noted that his eyes pooled with tears as he reached up and cupped her cheek in his hand.

"Oh Timothy…" She laid her forehead on his chest, taking a moment to inhale his scent and dwell in his essence.

Something inside her screamed 'stay with me' but she fought the urge to say it to him. She did not want to hold him back from his dream. Instead Jude said nothing, relishing the feel of his lips as he kissed her again. Timothy could not convey how much he wanted to stay and make love to her again: but he could not. It did not take long though, for Timothy to find that he could not pry himself a way.

Neither spoke as they continued to kiss and Timothy could feel her fingers begin to gently manipulate the zipper of his pants. He needed to tell her he could not stay, but could not will himself to do so. He never wanted to leave.

Timothy moved his head in an attempt to question her motives, but by this time she had weaved her other fingers carefully into his hair and held his head in place as they kissed. Once they were deeply immersed in their lip-lock, Jude began to undress him.

She kissed all the way down his jaw and to his neck, starting to kiss his chest, inch by inch as she unbuttoned his shirt. She kissed him softly and slowly, placing her lips against his flesh, her kisses trailing slowly down his abdomen, brushing his skin each time she undid one of the buttons. She stopped when he got to his pounding heart, pressing her face against it for a moment just to listen to it beat, knowing it pounded just for her.

"Are ya excited?" She teased.

His heart began to pound faster in that moment. He looked down at her eyes-wide as she continued her kisses down his stomach and to his hips.

"Don't worry." She said, sinking down onto her knees, preparing to take him in her mouth. "I won't bite."

…..

Just a half an hour later the couple were immersed in a deep kiss again. Timothy sighed feeling her run her soft fingers up his chest as she buttoned his shirt. He really had to go now but didn't want to break away from her and persisted in crushing his lips against hers almost forcefully and without ceasing. He barely gave her room to breathe but she did not mind.

"Jude…I really have to go now." He sniffled, reaching out to dry her tears. "Don't cry my sweetheart."

"Then why are ya cryin'?" She asked. He laughed and looked down sadly.

"Because I miss you already." He said, his eyes pooling with tears. The couple continued their kiss as their tears intensified.

Suddenly the two stopped and held each other tight.

"Oh my Jude, my rare bird. Here." He said, pulling away and taking something out of his bag.

"What's this?" She asked of the thick envelope he handed her. She could tell right away that it was a stack of papers and that they were important.

"Don't ever open it. You cannot know what is inside. I cannot keep it safe when I am gone, and for that matter I cannot take it with me. Please, hide it among your possessions until I return."

Jude was hesitant to do this, but took the thick envelope from him and deposited it deep within her desk drawer, figuring he wouldn't leave her with something that could harm her.

"I promise I will keep it hidden far ya Timothy."

At this, Timothy grabbed the back of her head with both hands holding her to where her eyes peered directly into his. He simply watched her and studied her face for a moment.

"What are you doing?" She asked softly.

"Taking you in, just looking at you." He leaned in and buried his face in her hair for a moment. "Trying to remember every detail of those beautiful eyes." He remarked as he brushed her cheek with his thumb. "And that incredible smile…how you smell, and feel…I'll miss you deeply, even just at the very thought of you my Jude."

"I'll miss ya too." She said as he picked up his bag and placed it on his shoulder.

"Don't cry my rare bird."

"I can't help it." She confessed.

Timothy was still crying too and took her chin in his hand, leaning into her and kissing her one last time. The two paused when they pulled apart. He stepped away but took her hand, unable to bear letting her go just yet.

"Good-bye Timothy." She said, following him toward the door and wanting badly to tell him she loved him. She could not bring herself to do it.

"Until we meet again, my precious." He kissed her hand and turned to leave.

He turned from the end of the hall and waived again, blowing a kiss because he was sure no one would see. But no good-bye seemed good enough and his departure left Jude with an empty feeling deep inside. She longed for him already and as soon as he was gone, she stopped crying and began to sob.

Jude shut her door and went to work putting the rest of her clothes back on. She didn't notice when there was a knock on her door and because she failed to answer, Mary Eunice thought she was out and decided to just come in.

"Sister….Sister are you alright?!" Mary looked at Jude carefully, noting that she was sobbing and re-buttoning the top of her habit. "I-I'm sorry if I interrupted anything I…"

"No, no, I'm alright. I'm alright." She insisted, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"If you're sure…" Mary hesitated. "I have some papers that need your signature Sister…"

…

"Ah I see you're leaving us Monsignor." Dr. Arden commented, not looking up from the experiment he was in the middle of conducting. Timothy looked around the room for a moment, wondering how he knew it was him without even looking. The concept bothered him a little.

"Yes, I…"

"Off to Rome I suspect?! Well on the way to the Cardinalship aren't we, Father?" Arden seemed to tease.

"Well I…" Timothy blushed, but then began to pretend to clear his throat, not wanting Dr. Arden to know how satisfied he was with mere mention of it. "Perhaps some day Arthur, it would seem there's an assignment for me in Rome."

"Uh-huh." Arden stopped his explanation, making it obvious to Timothy that he had no interest in hearing anything about his promotion.

"T-that said…I am still Monsignor around here for now and…"

"I trust that wherever you go, as long as this institution still stands, our deal is in effect." Arden said, finally turning around to face him.

"Of course…" Timothy laughed nervously.

"Uh-huh." Arden didn't believe him and began to quickly think about what recourse he could take if his position, were ever threatened.

"Good day, Arthur." Timothy simply said, beginning to make his way out the door.

"Ha. Good day indeed." He scoffed, when he heard the door shut.

Arden knew with all certainty that he had something grave to be concerned about.

…

A Month and a Half Later

"Jude?" Mary Eunice asked, knocking on the older nun's office door.

Jude rested her head in his hands and stared down at her desk. She'd done everything she could to try to calm this raging headache and so far nothing seemed to work.

"Oh!" She looked up, startled by Mary's sudden entry into the room.

"I'm sorry Sister, you didn't come down for dinner I just wanted to see if you were alright. And I knew you'd be hungry so, I brought you a sandwich, the kind you like."

"Oh…yes, yes, thank you Mary." Jude said, barely able to lift her head.

"C-can I get you anything else?"

It had been more than a month since Mary had found Jude crying in her office and nothing had seemed quite right since then. Jude seemed to have gotten worse in the past few days, and although she didn't know the particulars, Mary Eunice felt it was her job to try and take care of her. She knew if the situation were reversed, Jude would be waiting on her.

"Oh um…maybe an Aspirin, Mary Eunice...thank you."

"A-are you alright?" Mary finally asked when she came back with the pill and a glass of water. Mary had wanted to ask this for weeks but had just now developed the courage to do it.

Jude still didn't look up from her desk. Mary Eunice didn't realize she was nauseated. Jude was moodier than usual lately and even she didn't know why. Mary never correlated any of the change in the older nun to the Monsignor's having left.

"You don't seem like yourself, you're so sad…and tired…and moody….and hungry…."

"Y-yes." She acknowledged as she took the pill. "But I'll be alright." She promised.

But the truth was Jude wasn't sure if she was all right. She sent Mary Eunice out of her office and got out the journal she kept. She'd been sad since Timothy left. More than anything, it broke her heart that she'd yet to hear from him. His silence only seemed to reaffirm her deep fear that she would not hear from him again.

Sure it had seemed that he had feelings for her. His tears upon his leaving would've been a big selling point for many women, who might have thought that his emotion proved his love. But Jude had been burned too many times before and she held no real stock in the idea that Timothy cared for her. She was devastated over that: she'd been sure Timothy loved her, and that after all this time, he was the one.

Jude was confident that he'd found a whole new life in Rome, one he'd been dreaming of for a long time, and that he'd forgotten about her and their tryst as soon as he arrived.

"Oooh." She moaned, clutching her head. Jude had been wondering for a while now if she was coming down with something, or if maybe she was purely heartsick.

Jude took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she rested her head in her hands. She tried her best to steady herself, but the pain and nausea began to overwhelm her again. She appreciated Mary bringing her the sandwich but she could not keep it down. Jude got up and ran to the bathroom.

"Heeerrrgggg…"

Jude felt terrible and laid her head against the wall when she finished throwing up. She wasn't sure what was making her so sick, or why a simple flu would be so overwhelming. Jude began to pull herself up off the floor, thinking that perhaps some crackers would finally settle her stomach…instantly a wave of nausea hit her again and she settled back onto the floor. How could she think of food at a time like this? Jude was miserable and began to cry as she sat down again. She wanted to get up but didn't have the strength, so she remained there on her bathroom floor sobbing. She didn't really have the energy for it as her tears were consuming, but she was so upset she found she had no other recourse.

Sister Jude racked her brain, trying desperately to assess what might be wrong with her. This was more than heartbreak, and she doubted it was the flu. The flu spread quickly when it came to Briarcliff and as far as she knew she was the only one who was sick. Because it was private; she had not told Mary Eunice that she was late…besides, knowing Mary Eunice as she did, Jude supposed the young nun would merely ask what she was late for.

Jude was coming to think maybe the time of life was finally hitting her: menopause. After all she was the age for it, and many of the symptoms fit, but Jude wasn't at peace with the idea. Something told her that that was not it, not just yet. Jude had another idea in mind, one that she couldn't really even think about because it was both too hard to believe and too painful.

Why would that happen now, after all this time? When she was too old and alone? She'd worked hard to get where she was, and didn't want to give up where she'd gotten to for it…but she couldn't shake the thought…after all, she'd just had a passionate fling with a man she'd secretly given her heart to…it could be…

Jude collected herself and waited for lights out before going downstairs to the infirmary and checking herself in. there were just a few nuns down there and as their boss, she had the power to swear them to secrecy.

"Are you alright Sister?" The senior one of them asked, knowing she hadn't felt well lately. "Is this about…"

"No it's personal Margaritte…I need ya to run some blood work on me."

"For what Sister?" The nun looked horrified, wondering what she could possibly be aiming at.

"Pregnancy." Jude said simply.

…

A Week Later

Even days after finding out; Jude was in an absolute daze. She was unsure as to what her next move was going to be, and although she wanted to act quickly, she was hesitant to just jump ship. Jude considered her options carefully. She could leave now and have it…but how would she manage alone with a baby and no way to provide for it? She didn't even know where she would go. She had no family no one to turn to. She supposed she could wait for Timothy to return and tell him her surprising news in the hopes that he'd happily drop whatever he was doing and provide for her and a child she was sure he would not want…or, she could end it.

Jude was hesitant about this last option. It was against her beliefs and for that matter, she already loved the child she was carrying…but she also considered that it might be her only real option. She didn't know much about abortion, or how it happened, only that she'd known a lot of women, when she was younger who had had it done, illegally of course, and that she'd once scolded Dr. Arden for performing one on a patient who had been raped in the Asylum. With that in mind, Jude got up from her desk and trudged toward Dr. Arden's office with a heavy heart, deciding to ask him how this worked.

"Ah Sister Jude, I see your poking your nose around here again."

Jude practically jumped, Arden's ability to know you were there before he ever turned around always frightened her a little.

"Y-yes Doctor I'm here." She said, crossing her arms and glancing around to see if there was a mirror anywhere where he could've seen her come in.

Jude unfolded her arms, realizing she needed to change her demeanor. She couldn't afford to let him know her guard was down or that this was about her.

"Dr. Arden do ya remember the time ya performed an abortion on that patient and I…"

"Oh not this again Sister I…"

"Perhaps ya were right." She said. He raised an eyebrow and turned to face her. "We have a patient who is expecting and she's not in the condition ta carry the child much longer than she is now… we're considering abortion as one of her options and I wanted to know a little more about it befare I said yes."

"Why didn't you come to me about…?"

"It's not a medical reason." She covered quickly. "It's psychological."

"Umhmm." Dr. Arden was suspicious now.

"I don't believe in it but I told her I'd ask ya what it entails."

"Why not just let her talk to me herself?"

"Because it's my decision ta make far her, not hers."

"Hmmm…alright Sister, do you want to know what happens?" He asked, turning back to his work but continuing to speak to her.

"Yes." She gulped.

"How far along is she?"

"Oh um…" Jude tried to calculate this quickly. "Um, ten weeks..."

Based on a number of factors, Jude figured she'd gotten pregnant the first time she slept with Timothy, which would put her closer to ten weeks.

"At ten weeks I'd open the cervix, insert a steal knife that is capable of cutting the fetus into pieces. Then I'd pull it apart, bit by bit."

Jude jumped as he began to explain, this was not what she'd expected to hear. "It…it's big enough far that now?" She could feel herself growing teary-eyed.

"Yes. And if she's further along than we think, after all it's just a guess, right Sister?"

"R-right…" She answered reluctantly.

"If she's further along, I might have to be a bit more invasive: for example I might have to crush the head if it's calcified into bone already, otherwise the bleeding may be profuse."

Jude took a deep breath and held it, trying not to cry or throw up. She felt like she'd just been slapped and began saying Hail Mary's inside her head before he even finished. She could no longer hide the state of panic she felt at hearing his words. She didn't want this to happen to her baby. Dr. Arden could see her reflection in some of the equipment on his lab table and could tell she was visibly shaken. He smiled. The fear and terror in her eyes wasn't lost on him and he found it interesting. Seeing this vestige of it immediately sparked his desire to probe it further; and so he continued.

"That's how it's done." He chuckled. He'd decided, from the beginning of the conversation, to make this as frank and gruesome as he possibly could, just for her sake. "We go in and pull it apart, piece by piece until it's all gone…and when it's done, we scrape the inside of uterus, just to make sure it's done."

Jude's breath caught in her throat when he said this and instinctively placed her hand on her stomach in a protective gesture. He smiled to himself, understanding completely now.

"What do you think now Sister?" He asked, watching the visibly shaken woman as tears poured down her cheeks.

Jude could barely speak now, but did her best to pull herself together. "I-I'll think about it, and I'll let ya know if it's something that'll work far her."

"Alright." He said. "Just remember the more time passes, the more…graphic the procedure becomes."

Jude left quickly and placed her face in her hands as she made her way back to her office. She was openly crying now and quickly continued saying Hail Mary's, feeling so guilty now for having even inquired about this. She realized that Arden had been trying his best to scare her, and that an abortion provided by someone else might not be so barbaric…but whatever the case it was not an option for her and her child anymore. Somehow, the value of her baby's life grew to mean a lot more to her after he'd said those things. The whole time he'd been talking, she'd been thinking about laying right there in his lab, cold metal snatching life from her womb piece by bloody piece and she could not bear the thought.

"Mommy's so sorry she didn't realize befare now that you were such a blessing." She whispered, closing her eyes and placing her hand on her abdomen as soon as she shut her office door. "She doesn't know how but you and I will find a way ta survive." She started weaping when she said this and allowed herself to sink down to the floor.

Meanwhile, Dr. Arden was very intrigued by what had just transpired. He understood immediately that there was no patient: Sister Jude had been inquiring for herself.

…

September 1964

"Mothah Claudia?" Jude asked, her voice seeming more faint to the older nun than she'd ever heard it. Claudia looked up to see Jude standing before her dressed in street clothes, poised to knock on her door.

"Jude? What is it my child?" The younger nun's state and demeanor sparked her mentor's concern and interest right away.

"Mothah I have something ta confess ta ya."

"Jude what's the matter?" Claudia asked, sitting on the edge of her desk and handing Jude a tissue.

"I'm so sorry… M-mother."

"Jude what has happened?" Mother Claudia had never seen the younger nun so distraught, and for that matter, she'd very rarely seen her wearing regular clothes. "Why aren't you in your habit?" She asked.

"I'm sorry." Jude sobbed, drying her tears.

"What, what is it? It's alright Jude you know you can tell me."

"We- we gave in ta sin."

Claudia shook her head in a slow understanding, which really wasn't an understanding at all.

"The best of us sin Jude it…"

"No, this is something entirely different. I have something ta confess ta ya." She said, her heart beginning to pound. "I've let ya down, I've let God down, I…"

"You can tell me anything." She said, kindly taking Jude's hand. "I still care for you and so does the Lord."

"Not aftah this." She said, drying her eyes.

"Yes. After this. Nothing that you've done can make him close the door on you Jude. So, you don't have to be afraid, just, tell me."

"Mothah..."

"Go on Jude."

"I'm…I'm…" Jude took a breath and put her head down, unable to say anything more. "I'm pregnant."

Jude let it slip from her tongue and paused for a moment, beginning to sob once again. Mother Claudia shifted on her desk, staring straight back at Jude in silence, not immediately knowing what to say.  
>"Jude I…"<p>

"I told ya that.."

"How did this happen?" She inquired pointedly.

"It just happened, we gave in ta lust, that's all."

"Who is we?"

"I-I can't tell ya." Jude said. She didn't want to sacrifice Timothy and his future dreams. She was already going to pay the ultimate price for her sins, she was going to loose everything in her life, everything but the life she carried inside her.

"You can tell me anything." Mother Claudia tried to comfort.

"Mother Superior…"

"This man is about to make a Mother out of my Jude." She said, reiterating the closeness the two of them shared. "I want to know his name." She gently grabbed Jude's chin, lifting her tear-stained gaze to meet her own concerned one.

Jude looked down again, allowing her chin to rest in Claudia's soothing grasp. She paused, considering whether telling Mother Claudia was a wise decision or an incredibly poor one. But then she realized, with all the sin she'd heaped on her own head, that she would rather not shun a woman who'd taken her in, who'd been like a Mother to her.

"This is Monsignor Howard's child." She confessed.

Mother Claudia's breath caught in her throat, but very suddenly, she realized that this wasn't a surprise to her. The two spent a lot of time together and she'd always thought there was something more there, even if it weren't being acted on.

"The Monsignor's child." She repeated simply.

"Yes. Oh but Mothah he can never know! Please promise me he must never know!" Jude sobbed, seeming to loose control as she begged.

Mother Claudia paused. Monsignor Howard was a good man; at least, she thought so. And she thought he would want to know if Jude was going to have his child, that is, if Jude planned on keeping it.

"Jude, what do you plan on doing?" She asked.

"Oh I- I don't know." She wiped her nose on the tissue, still not looking up at Claudia. "I don't have any family ta turn ta, or much money saved…or anything."

"Well, what would you like for this child Jude?" She got up to get Jude some tea. "There are a lot of options. I'm sure there are plenty of adoptive families that would love to take the child. There is a Nun at St. Ursula's we could go and speak to and…"

"No." Jude said, hugging herself tightly as she reached out and took the tea with her free hand. She didn't know what it was, Mother Claudia's suggestion of adoption had felt like an invasion of personal space to her somehow and left her feeling venerable.

"If you're comfortable telling the Monsignor, I know he has family, perhaps they would be willing to raise…"

"No Mothah he must never, never know! And I can't give my baby away! It's my baby, and I want it, I want ta keep it!" Mother Claudia smiled, liking this idea and reached out to dry Jude's tears once again, noting that she grew almost hysterical at the idea of giving up the child.

"Do you realize how hard it will be at your age Jude?" Claudia sighed, wanting first to make sure she understood this.

"Yes Mothah."

"With no job, no partner to help take care of a baby…"

"Yes." She cried.

"Do you know how hard it is, to chase around a little one?"

"Mothah I have ta keep this baby, it'll kill me if I don't. She's all I wanted when I was young and all I have left in the world."

Mother Claudia paused and sighed.

"I have somewhere for you to go Jude."

Jude looked up, shooting her a questioning gaze but said nothing, the older Nun continued.

"I have a sister who lives in New York. You may stay with her. She will help you have your baby and she will help you get on your feet. We can send you there as early as tomorrow."

"I don't want ta be an inconvenience…"

"No. It's no trouble at all Jude. She will want to help you, as a matter of fact, she'll insist."

"Thank ya! Thank ya so much… I'll go." She said reluctantly. "I can't believe what I have done, ta myself…ta the Monsignor…."

"If I remember correctly Jude, this can't be something you did on your own, it takes two to tango don't ever forget that. He should know what he's done to you, if anything."

"No! Mother he must never, ever know! Promise me ya will never tell him what has happened ta me, or where I've gone!"

Mother Claudia paused wondering why she was so desperate to keep the pregnancy from him, finally realizing there must be more to the story than she was being told.

"Alright Jude. I promise."

…

Jude sniffled, reaching up to wipe some stray tears from her eyes as the cab she rode in drove up to the lonely little apartment building where she would begin her new life. Rain poured heavily, pounding on the car's tin roof, and the breaks squeaked loudly as the vehicle came to a slow stop, edging itself along the curb where the water washed like a river down the gutter.

"Ma'am, we's here."

"Oh…" Jude paused, the cab driver's thick Brooklyn accent very suddenly calling the native Bostonian's thoughts back to the present.

Jude found herself shaky and anxious as she attempted to collect her things and exit the taxi, but before she could blink, the cab driver had left her standing there on the curb in the pouring rain. Jude stared up at the building as the torrential rain soaked her long blonde hair and thin frame. Jude pulled her coat tighter to her body as she gazed up at the apartment. It was an ugly old brownstone that appeared drafty and unwelcoming at best. She didn't know how she could ever call the place home, but now, she had no choice.

Jude picked up her bag and made her way inside. She was in awe of the place for a moment, it's marble parquet flooring graced the long hallway and indicated to Jude that the building had once been very nice, perhaps back when she was a little girl. Jude made her way up the marble steps. As she walked, the staircase in its fullness came into greater view and she could see where it went up at least five stories. As she walked it became increasingly obvious that the place was in disrepair, and overcrowded with poor families. Even at this time of night, children roamed the halls laughing and playing, and apartment doors stayed wide open, the aroma of freshly cooked foods drifting into the hall and finding their way to Jude's nose, making her realize how hungry she was.

Thunder struck and Jude looked down at the piece of paper in her hand, with Mother Claudia's sister's address on it. By this time she'd reached the third floor landing.

"Three twenty six." She said quietly. Jude walked passed a couple of little girls playing jacks who smiled at her briefly. Jude was nervous but the children made her think of the little one she carried inside and somehow gave her courage to press forward and knock on Mrs. Goldman's door.

"Mrs. Goldman?" She asked, pressing her ear to the door as she knocked. The door opened suddenly, startling Jude.

"Sister Jude?"

"Ms. Martin." She smiled. She was a sister no more.

"Come in, come in! A girl in your condition, soaking wet, it's not right! Are ya hungry, you must be hungry? I have some latkes on the stove, fresh out of the oven! You must be starving, yar eating for too."

Jude was instantly overwhelmed by the woman's boisterousness, but grateful to be taken into a warm home, by someone so obviously kind.


End file.
